An Inconvient truth: looking at the negatives.

I have begun to realize that people are more likely to look at something negative than point out the positives.  I first began to realize it when I noticed that no gossip is good gossip.  Whenever somebody tells you that they have a great story to tell, its usually about something dumb or bad that somebody else did.  It is always full of judgement when we hear something about somebody else.  And when we hear these things we never say that the person was probably in a bad situation, or the reason they seemingly randomly yelled at a friend in the hallway, was because that friend had been mistreating them for sometime.

In psychology this is called the fundamental attribution error.  We always think that other people's shortcomings and problems are based off of internal characteristics, rather than thinking that they may be dealing with something else that could explain a mistake they've made.  Because of this we judge, ridicule, laugh at, and even begin to dispise people for doing things that were possibly outside of their control.

However, when we look at something that we did wrong, like that time we were speeding down the street and then cut somebody off, we always blame it on the situation instead of ourselves.  We were speeding because we were running really late and we just had to be somewhere on time.  I know that I do that all the time.  But if somebody cuts me off I assume that they're a bad driver or are just irreponsible.  I never consider that maybe they are rushing to the hospital to see a sick family member or racing to the school to see their little sister's choir concert. 

We expect people to be considerate of our circumstances, but we never consider that other people have them too.  I'm not saying that we can use circumstances as an excuse to mistreat people, that really isn't okay.  Just because you've had a rough life or are dealing with personal issues doesn't mean you can lash out at people just because you feel like it.

Maybe the only way to overcome this is to just be more understanding.  I'm not saying to excuse rude behavior, but when you hear something, maybe don't believe it is the whole truth or that you're dealing with a terrible person.  Hold off on the judgement until you really know whats going on.