iMedia: following your dreams

Lately the only conversation I seem to be having with most people is the college one.  They say where they are going and what they are majoring in, and then they as me.  I, of course, respond by saying "Illinois Wesleyan to major in theatre."  About 70% of people have the same reaction.  They either give me a surprised "ahh", say "are you sure that is a good idea?"  or just flat out say, "Yeah, good luck with your future."  very sarcastically. 

The other 30% usually say that they are happy that I'm following my passion, and that they wish they were following their own.  Either way, these days following your dreams has become seen as a little ecentric, and sometimes just plain old stupid. 

The reason this picture speaks to me is partially because I've gotten really into street art.  For the most part, the pictures are on the street and it often looks like a gigantic hole or crack in the street.  Lately I've also found street art on walls and the sides of buildings.  Street art is really cool because many people who aren't into the arts find it really cool too.  I've heard many people say that while they love music, they dont understand art, but they love looking up street art.  Seeings as the arts are one of the main areas people are too afraid to pursue, I find it kind of ironic that there is artwork about not being able to follow your dreams.  I believe that the artist believes that following your dreams should not be cancelled.  I don't think following your dreams should be considered a luxury either.  If you love something, go for it.

An Inconvient truth: looking at the negatives.

I have begun to realize that people are more likely to look at something negative than point out the positives.  I first began to realize it when I noticed that no gossip is good gossip.  Whenever somebody tells you that they have a great story to tell, its usually about something dumb or bad that somebody else did.  It is always full of judgement when we hear something about somebody else.  And when we hear these things we never say that the person was probably in a bad situation, or the reason they seemingly randomly yelled at a friend in the hallway, was because that friend had been mistreating them for sometime.

In psychology this is called the fundamental attribution error.  We always think that other people's shortcomings and problems are based off of internal characteristics, rather than thinking that they may be dealing with something else that could explain a mistake they've made.  Because of this we judge, ridicule, laugh at, and even begin to dispise people for doing things that were possibly outside of their control.

However, when we look at something that we did wrong, like that time we were speeding down the street and then cut somebody off, we always blame it on the situation instead of ourselves.  We were speeding because we were running really late and we just had to be somewhere on time.  I know that I do that all the time.  But if somebody cuts me off I assume that they're a bad driver or are just irreponsible.  I never consider that maybe they are rushing to the hospital to see a sick family member or racing to the school to see their little sister's choir concert. 

We expect people to be considerate of our circumstances, but we never consider that other people have them too.  I'm not saying that we can use circumstances as an excuse to mistreat people, that really isn't okay.  Just because you've had a rough life or are dealing with personal issues doesn't mean you can lash out at people just because you feel like it.

Maybe the only way to overcome this is to just be more understanding.  I'm not saying to excuse rude behavior, but when you hear something, maybe don't believe it is the whole truth or that you're dealing with a terrible person.  Hold off on the judgement until you really know whats going on.

Blogging Around

The first blog I commented on was Alex's about Do You Mind?!  I loved reading it because I felt as though we both looked at do you mind in similar ways, and it really has been a class favorite.  She said that she like how Do You Mind gets personal and that she loves it, partially, because she loves inpirational things.

I wrote:
Alex,
I loved reading this blog because I feel the same way, that alot of the time, as much as I love do you mind, I don't want to share my answers. I love writing them, but I feel like they are more for me than anyone else.

I completely agree that these questions would effect you so much because you do love inspiration and believing every cloud has a silver lining. There are so many people that I wish I could know their answers to the do you mind questions, and I feel like yours would probably brighten my day :)


The next blog I looked at was Elyse's about (shocker) do you mind.  I loved reading it because she actually gave a very detailed response about specific questions and I was surprised how open she could be with not only other people, but also herself.  I dont really like to admit fault, and she was more than willing to.
I wrote:
I really like this blog because it I'm a little more guarded about my answers in do you mind, so I love seeing that other people aren't. I also don't know if I'd ever be open enough with myself to admit what you did about apologizing to your brother. I remember I really loved that question because the most important apologies, in my opinion, are not apologizing for a certain event, but more for an attitude or certain treatment over a period of time.

I really like the other question about apologies because until I though about it, I didn't realize how many people I feel may owe me even just a slight apology. And I didn't realize that I think i deserve bigger apologies from some people too. What you said about Leah and how people closest to you probably are more likely to behave in a way the warrants an apology is dead on. Of the people who I think owe me apologies, they are some of the people I am closest too.

LATE PASS Best of the Week: Do you mind

The most insightful activity I think i may have ever done in school is "Do you mind?!".  There are many things  i like about this activity, and probably a few I don't like too.  I like hearing other people's responses.  I enjoy when somebody says something funny.  I love it when somebody says something I can relate to and I have a moment of clarity in that, "that is so me!" way.  I also love it when somebody says something which i dont understand, or something that is a new idea to me.  Even though I love what people say, I don't always feel comfortable sharing.  I think its because I've taken the questions very seriously, and often I write answers that are very personal for me.  Alot of the time the questions make me reevaluate certain parts of my life.  When the questions are something that I take very seriously and personally, I dont always want people knowing or judging my response.

At the same time, those questions are what I love about Do you mind so much.  It helps me reflect on my life in a setting I didn't think would bring that for me.  I said one day in class that writing is my way of expressing myself.  Do you mind has helped me use that even more.  Right before spring break some events happened that caused me to have trouble knowing how to express myself or even if I should.  That is when I wrote my first letter to somebody who I needed to express my emotions to.  I didn't write any other letters though.  Then Do you mind came along and I realized how much that was helping me and that I should keep writing those letters.  They aren't a fix for anything.  Not by a long shot.  But they do help ease it almost as much as talking to somebody does.  One of the hardest parts is just getting the emotions out, and once you do that, the problems are so much easier to face, or even talk about.

Best of the Week: Loss, gain, retain

During Issues and Answers we started talking about what a man lost, gained, and retained during his time in a concentration camp.  As we went over the lists we realized that many of the losses had things in common; they were all physical.  Frankl (the author of the book we read)  lost his wife, his manuscript, his hair, his clothing, weight.  But he everything he gained or retained throughout his time there was metaphysical.  He gained a new appriciation for his life, he gained knowledge about power hungry people.  He also gained fear.  He retained his belief in love, and that many people are just good people.

This made me realize many things.  You can lose many things that hurt more than anything.  You can lose a loved one, you can lose a talent, you can lose faith in people.  But nobody can take away anything that is metaphysical.  Once you gain a piece of self knowledge or learn more about yourself you cannot unlearn it unless you actively try to.  In some ways this is comforting; once you've grown up to a certain extent, no body can take that away.  People can take away your clothing, your money, your house, but they can't take away what makes you you unless you let them. 

On the other hand this isn't comforting.  I've heard that ignorance is bliss, and man do I believe it.  Its so much easier to be happy when you aren't aware that problems exist.  And once you learn about those problems, you can't unlearn them.  The thing is, its only a surface level happiness that you have before.  If you are able to, after learning many sad facts and having to face painful truths, retain your hope and belief in happiness and love, you will reach legitmate contentment.  If you are able to suffer but still find a way to be happy your life will be much more fulfilling for that.

Lit Circles Final Blog

For my lit cirlce I read the book Thinking in Pictures My Life With Autism by Temple Grandin. 

I connected this book with the blog Haley Mooney did on The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.  When she was explaining her quote I saw many similarities between Deborah in her book and Temple Grandin.  Both characters are willing to challenge the status quo, and met resistance in the process.  I don't know as much about Deborah, but I'm guessing that she also never intended to challenge the status quo, she was just doing what she thought she should.  This reminds me of Temple Grandin because she was just doing what helped her feel better and what helped her function.  Neither one did anything to not be a part of the norm, that was just a secondary result.

Haley also said that the book is about overcoming the original thought or idea people have.  She said that the family needed to overcome their ideas about Skloot's research, which were mostly negative.  Grandin also challenges people's ideas about autism.  She talks about how many incredible capabilities her mind has because of her autism.  Usually people look at autism as such a massive hinderance instead of something that could be an advantage to some people.  Temple Grandin has made enormous strides in the livestock community.  These strides would not have been possible without her autism.  It shows that once you give someone that label of mentally handicapped people will only look at what they can't do, vs. how many amazing things they can do.

Deborah broke the status quo by learning more about what her mother's cells have done.  She doesn't just let the negative feelings about the research take over.  Instead she tries to honor what her mother's cells have done for others.  Like Grandin, Deborah was able to look past the negative and look at what something that was considered bad could do positively.

Lit circles meeting response #4

            In these chapters Temple Grandin discusses why she does not have the capability to think if you go by the standards of many scientists because she thinks in pictures instead of words.  She also talks about how many animals think in the same way she does, creating a possible link between animals and autistic people.  She also talks about the links between famous geniuses and autism.  At the end she discusses religion and how she believes in God, but feels she needs a logical reason to believe in it, and cannot believe in religion just for the sake of believing.

            “For me, searching for the meaning of life has always been an intellectual activity driven by anxiety and fear.  Deep emotional relationships are secondary” (Grandin 212).

            This quote shows again how Grandin’s emotions break the norm.  Most people are more concerned with relationships and are driven more by emotions like love, rather than fear.  This definitely goes against the status quo for most people, or at least for how I see things.  In a philosophy class I’m currently taking I’ve discovered that I definitely place an emphasis on the connections you make with people in your life, vs. thinking through it logically.  Part of this is because Grandin thinks in a different way due to her autism, but she definitely doesn’t think the same way as everyone else with autism. 

Captured Thought: Free Will?

This semester I took a class because I heard the teacher was great.  The class turned out to be one that really made me think hard about the things that I formerly thought I knew the most about.  This class is Issues and Answers: Philosophy.  The class is largely discussion based.  There is no firm curriculum and we can take the subject in any direction within the broad subject we are dealing with.  Even though there is hardly any outside of class work and a low emphasis on getting a good grade, I've taken away more from this class in a short period of time than I have in almost any other class.

One of the things that I've realized from this class is how little we know in general, but mostly how little I know myself.  I've been forced to be really introspective while in Issues because I am able to draw the most from my own experiences.  We began to talk about perceptions, their faulty nature, and how we are shaped by genetics and environment so much.  Because we are shaped so much by our DNA and the influences that we have during our lives, Mr. Zapler brought up the point that we may not (and probably don't) have free will.  It isn't the same thing as predetermination, but both mean we only have the illusions of having control over our lives.  The difference is that everything isn't laid out before us, and we are still making those choices, but we have no control over the reasons we made the choices, meaning that we didn't really choose, but other elements outside of our control did.

This past week I've realized that I don't believe in free will as much as I want or feel I need to.  We really are shaped by things that are outside of our control, and we make choices based off who we are.  I really want to believe in free will; I like believing that I have control over my life, or at least some control.  If we don't have free will it creates a completely different world.  You couldn't blame anybody for their wrong doings because they didn't choose to do anything.  You can't be proud of yourself because of the good choice you made because somebody else's influence caused you to make the choice. 

  I'm going to keep searching for ways that I can, any loop hole I can find, because I really need to believe that I have control.  So until then, I'm going to keep relying on my illusion of free will, not because it is smart or the best thing to do, just because it makes me happier to believe in it.

Connection: Once and Colleges

To people who don't look below the surface or attempt to think about it, Once is a nice movie about two people who fall in love with each other and their music, but because of the directions that their lives are headed, they cannot be together.  This movie does many things to express that these people do not lead exclusively wonderful lives.  One of the last shots in the movie shows "Girl" looking out the window as this adventure comes to a close, and the camera zooms out to show the windows in the rest of the building.  To some people it would just seem like the natural thing to do, but in reality the director was showing the story behind this window was extrodinary, but there is a story just as extrodinary and awe inspiring happening behind every window in the building.  This movie simply focused on one story, but everybody has one.  This is also why the two lead characters didn't have names; the goal was to show that they were just ordinary people.

One of my biggest fears in going to college is that people won't be looking for each person's extrodinary, but instead just looking at the mass of people as a whole.  I'm terrified of going to a school where my professors won't know my name, where I'm just another one of their 300 students in the lecture hall.  Sure I have a story, but what do they care to hear it?  Well this week I went on a college visit that proved some, if not most, colleges want to find everyone's Once worthy story.  Well I was at Illinois Wesleyan this Wednesday I had a pretty busy schedual.  I had to come in and interview with the head of the theatre deparment, go on a tour, have lunch with the theatre students, attend two classes, and meet with my admissions counselor.  By the end of the day I was beat, even though it all went great.  My first interview didn't take very long, so Professor Quinn, who I was interviewing with, invited my to go get a cup of coffee across campus with him.  He asked me questions that were less formal, more to get to know me as a person.  All the people I got to know there were incredibly nice, even if they did ask me if I had questions way too many times.  When I met with my admissions counselor, Bob Geraty, he already knew many things from my application.  We started talking school, and he immediately brought up that I was involved in a ton of different activities. 

The big moment that made me realize that colleges really do want to get to know you was on Friday.  I got home from school and there was a letter waiting for me.  Bob Geraty had written me a letter saying that it had been nice getting to know me and that I should not hestitate to contact him with any questions I may have.  He also said that he hoped I enjoyed visiting the theatre department and (the big shocker) that he hopes I have a lot of fun with V-show and writing for Comedy Troupe.  I was shocked he remembered, we'd talked about variety show for a little while, but I didn't think he'd remember anything so specific considering I told him about many shows I've been involved with.  I mentioned that we were right in the middle of comedy troupe rehearsals, and he really did remember.

All of the people I met at Illinois Wesleyan, especially Bob Geraty and Tom Quinn, made me feel as though they really were searching for my Once.  I realized most people and teachers you meet will try to find your special story because, as we learned in humanities, we all have one.

Metacognition: Surviving Semester 1

Humanities.  A class I took for many reasons, being that it is creative, it is fun, it didn't seem like too much work, and English is required, and this class seemed like my best bet.  I was definitely wrong about one of my reasons.  This class is a TON of work.  I found a way to make it through all of the work, which was no easy task considering how busy I am.  You may ask: how did you achieve this Debra?  You won't have to wonder for long, though, because I am sharing my secrets to success!

Secret number 1:  When there is time to do work in class, use it.  It seems simple, and I'll admit I've checked the occasional email while working on a paper, but it really does help.  To be honest, I don't want to do write an essay or do homework when I get home.  I don't get home until pretty darn late most nights, and what I really want to do is watch How I Met Your Mother, not work for hours.  In class I can't take a nap or watch T.V., so I might as well do my work there.

Secret number 2:  Get used to staying up late.  I hate this secret.  I love to sleep.  Unfortunately certain mindbook entries (Map to me) may have had me up until 4:00 am.  Granted, it was the same day as You Can't Take it With You so that may have shortened my time too.  Lucky for me, I work well late.  I've noticed that the more tired I am, the more obsessed I become with the project.  I just realize that if I'm going to be up late, I better be getting a good grade.  I like that I've begun to think that way because it proved useful.  I also noticed that I don't overthink as many ideas when I'm tired.  I look at everything as a possibility, opposed to more work I don't want to do.

Secret number 3:  FORGET YOU HAVE A LATE PASS.   That four a.m. day was probably a time I shouldn't have done that, but I stand by my decision 100%.  I'm not the world's most responsible person, and if I fell back on the late pass once, I'd probably "forget" and try to use it again.  I use the tricking myself method a lot because I constantly try to fall back on little details.  I love this madness I've created because I would not function well without it.

Secret number 4:  Get used to your mind.  The first mindbook entry was tough for me because I got down on myself when I couldn't think of anything.  I kept thinking that if I was more creative, or better at ideas, or just plain smarter it would be easier.  Well maybe that is true, but I liked my ending project, and it made me realize I am stuck with this mind for better or for worse, so I may as well like it.  And hey, I realized it's not half bad!  Whenever I started to get down on myself about humanities, or really any other class (except math, because that is the evil exception) I would just think about how I had been doing good work, and I'd learn not to sweat it.

So good-bye semester one, it has, overall, been a good time.  Hello semester two.  Hopefully I come back and read this if I get myself in a tight spot!